An Effeminate Man Living Among the Wives of the Messenger of Islam

The Wisdom Behind Restricting Unnecessary Gender Mixing in Islam

Islam seeks to establish a clean and disciplined society, where desires are not constantly aroused, and where the impulses of flesh and blood are not stimulated at every moment.

Continuous arousal ultimately leads to a lustful frenzy that is never truly extinguished or satisfied. The treacherous glance, the provocative movement, unveiled fornication, and nakedness — all of these only inflame that wild, animalistic frenzy.

Otherwise, the reins of nerves and willpower slip away. The result is either chaotic exposure without limits, or nervous disorders and psychological complexes caused by suppressing desires after they have been artificially stirred. It becomes, in effect, a form of torture.

One of the methods Islam uses to establish a clean society is to prevent unnecessary arousal, preserve the natural innate attraction between the sexes in its proper form and natural strength, free from artificial stimulation, and direct it toward its lawful and pure place.

Allah the Almighty said regarding those men who may enter upon women:

“The attendants among men who have no sexual desire…”

These are men who have no desire for women for reasons such as old age, impotence, weakness, foolishness, or insanity — anything that prevents a man from desiring women. In such cases, there is no temptation or enticement.

Likewise, Allah excluded:

“Children who are not yet aware of the private aspects of women.”

These are children whose bodies and minds are not yet aroused by women. However, if a child becomes able to distinguish such matters, and sexual feelings are awakened in him — even before puberty — then he no longer falls under this exception.

It is permissible for a woman to show before a man who has no desire what she may show before her mahrams, because such a man has no interest in women and no awareness of their affairs.

Ibn Qudamah said:

“Whoever among men has lost his desire due to old age, impotence, or an incurable illness, and the eunuch, and the effeminate man who has no desire, then his ruling is like that of a mahram with regard to looking, because Allah the Almighty said: ‘Or those male attendants having no physical desire’ — meaning those who have no need for women.”

Ibn Abbas said:

“He is the one from whom women are not shy.”

It was also said:

“He is the effeminate man who has no erection.”

And from Mujahid ibn Jabr and Qatadah ibn Di’amah:

“He is the one who has no desire for women.”

However, if such an effeminate man does possess desire and understands women, then he takes the ruling of other men.

Aisha narrated that an effeminate man entered upon the wives of the Prophet, and they regarded him as being among those without desire. Then the Prophet entered while that man was describing a woman by saying:

“If she comes forward, she comes with four, and if she turns away, she turns away with eight.”

Then the Prophet said:

“Do I not see that this one knows what is here? Do not let him enter upon you.”

So they prevented him from entering.

Ibn Abd al-Barr said:

“The effeminate man is not necessarily one who is known for immorality. Rather, effeminacy may simply be extreme softness in mannerisms, speech, appearance, and temperament until he resembles a woman. If this is the case, and he has no desire for women nor knowledge of their affairs, then he is among those who have no desire and may enter upon women. But when he understands the details of women, then he is no longer included in that category.”

Objection Regarding Christian Women

Now then: where are the prohibitions in loving a Christian woman?

Some critics object to Islamic restrictions while overlooking passages within the Bible itself.

For example, in the Gospel of Luke:

“And she stood at his feet behind him weeping, and began to wash his feet with tears, and wiped them with the hair of her head, and kissed his feet, and anointed them with ointment.”

Gospel of Luke

Likewise, in the Gospel of John:

“After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet, and to wipe them with the towel with which he was girded.”

Gospel of John

Meaning of “Men Without Desire”

The phrase:

“Not possessed of sexual desire among men”

refers to men such as the elderly, the weak, the impotent, or the castrated — those who have no ability or inclination toward such acts, and therefore pose no danger to women.

“Jabb” means cutting off.

The term “majbub” refers to a eunuch whose penis and testicles have been removed.

Impotence refers to the absence of the ability to achieve an erection.

And Allah knows best.